‘Loneliness’ is a word. Mostly associated with negativity (think nursing homes, prison, a large dark room or even sadness). Today I pondered why there is so much negativity attached to the concept of being alone.
For me personally, being alone can be a gift. Being home alone means whatever channel I want (a no judgement dance moms marathon), music as loud as I want, interpretive dancing in the lounge room and talking to myself to my hearts content.
Tonight I drove home from my dads after having dinner with him. There is a street on the way home with the most magnificent Christmas lights, and I wanted to drive down it, but hesitated. Why? Because normally driving down that road is a group activity, last year I drove down it with I guy I fancied, and the year before with my mum, sister and cousins. But I decided that this year, since I am quite alone, I have two choices; I can brood and not be festive, and wallow in my lack of companionship or I can drive down that damn road, look at those fantastic Christmas lights and for once not be afraid of being alone. Seriously! I am actually so uncomfortable sitting at a table in a food court by myself, of swimming at the beach alone – I constantly keep my nose in my phone to show the general public ‘hey, I may be alone right now, but I do have friends in cyberspace’.
Well, im done being uncomfortable with my loneliness. I am going to use my loneliness to pray, read the bible, blast my worship music, sing out loud, dance freely and enjoy the company of my own thoughts instead of worrying about how alone I look.